| May 2012 |
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| No way.. |
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10:04pm 24/05/2012 |
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What's the point of having to always talk to you, thrash things out with you, and coming to a consensus? But nothing's ever done. I told you what I wanted. It's boring just to stay at home or watch movie. I want to engage in outdoor activities with you. What on earth happened to swimming? Badminton? We don't have to spend money. We don't have to always splurge on shopping, good food. Occasionally, we can just go for a swim? Go for a rock-climbing session or a badminton session. After that, just hang around at the food court, eating, drinking, talking-cock. Everything you said are just empty talks. Empty vessels makes the most noise. Guess what? You're the empty vessel! Why should I even trust what comes out right from your mouth? You're always giving empty promises! How long has it been going on already. It's really irritating. There's really no way we can do what I want to do with you, isn't it? I'm really disappointed in you. mood:  disappointed |
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| You cared? |
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02:26am 14/05/2012 |
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I have no idea if you ever cared for me. I'm no longer angry with you, neither can I even get angry with you. This proves a few points, either, I'm too disappointed with you until the point of not being able to get any angry with you, you're beyond cure or I have no feelings for you.
I was having a very bad flu, I had fever that day you went Batam. You did not even care, you didn't even ask at all. Nothing that concerns me at all. I talked to you the entire night with a heavy flu, you didn't even take notice of it.
I talked to Kent, 5 minutes later, he asked, "why do you sound like donald duck, are you having a very bad flu?" Yup! I did! I was having a really bad flu and probably going to fall sick soon.
You just didn't ask, didn't care. All you cared was arguing, proving your points right. Nothing else matters to you.
p/s: you broke my heart. just stop doing it before i'm forced to give you up.mood: disappointed music: I love you (Joanne) |
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| RIDICULOUS! |
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04:54am 24/04/2012 |
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This is freaking ridiculous. You were the one who came to a consensus, that you will learn or rather start striking a balance in your life! The very next moment, you reached home and started gaming all the way, all night long."Dear, I'm going to go home and play WOW for AWHILE!" First of all, may I ask, what's your definition of "awhile"? I didn't know three and a half hours is awhile! So, three hours of tutoring are considered awhile too? Then, what's an hour to you?You were the one who wanted the relationship, wanted to thrash things out and talk. Fine, we did talk and manage to thrash issues out. But, what's the point of thrashing issues out and coming to a consensus, when you don't even start putting it into actions? What's the point of talking, when nothing has been done?Seriously! You need to start being thankful. A girlfriend not only did not reject the idea of you gaming, but at the same time she supports it because she thinks you need some entertainment in your life too! I explained to you with regards to why others can game the whole entire day/night, but why you can't. Well, you accepted the reason, but is it of any use? Nothing was improved, nothing was done.I feel such a fool, believing, having the faith that you will be a man of your word. Thinking that things will turn out better, and you will start implementing! But it all turn on deaf ears.Probably, I won't be a very good girlfriend, like seriously. I have no idea of how to be. All I asked for was try to strike a balance in your life and everything you do. I did not ask you to STOP GAMING! For god's sake, you're always complaining about how stressed out about how much you're earning, and always complaining about being tired, sick...Etc.... But, you know what's the reason? You spend probably half of the time gaming, thus taking up your sleeping hours, as a result, not enough sleep!Why complain, when you can solve the problem? Why complain when you're the one who caused it upon yourself? Not that I mind you complaining, but what's the point of complaining when you know how to solve it, but you refuse to do it! Contradictory isn't it?You're old enough to make decision for yourself. I hate having to repeat it all the time. It's god damn tiring. I hate to be naggy and all. But you're forcing me to, aren't you? How can you even blame me for nagging at you? What's the point of nagging, when you don't even take in anything.Dude, you got to start wising up! Being obsessed with games now? At this age? It doesn't really help you. It's actually destroying your life! It jeopardizes your work life and your relationship.
p/s: just stop taking advantages of me being nice, would you? PLEASE!mood:  infuriated |
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| I'm not good enough for you. |
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03:46am 16/02/2012 |
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Suddenly, I feel the stress. Right after talking to you, I feel damn inferior. I always have the upper hand, I'm always better than all my exes, and right now, you're so high up there, way better than I can imagine. Now? I totally feel how Christina is feeling. I don't think I'm good enough for you. I think Wei Ting will fit better as a partner as compared to me.
You have such a good plan ahead, your future's brighter than anyone of us. I feel that I have achieved nothing as compared to you. I won't be able to help you in anyway, and I really feel i'm a burden. For once, someone made me felt like I'm nothing but a burden. Wei Ting's smart. She can talk to you intellectually, on the other hand, I feel so stupid. She will be able to help you so much, but I can do nothing.
All I know is to complain, what else am I good at actually?
We've been together for merely a few days. Not a month yet, but I feel like giving up. I feel extremely happy when I see you. I enjoyed your company, and you've been a great boyfriend. A great friend, buddy and a boyfriend. I believe you definitely fit the bill for a good hubby. I don't want to let you go. But if letting you go, allows you to find someone better and someone who can help you strive in your career, why not?
People always say love is selfish, yet some says that love is selfless. Well, I chose the selfless part. By letting you go, makes you a better person, how can I be so selfish and stop you from striving. But dear, not to worry. No matter what, I'll always go through thick and thin with you. I'll always support your decision, regardless of the results. We will share the ups and downs together. Together, we will make things work.
Just.....Let me think through. Trust me, I really hate to let you go, but if I really have to for the sake of your future, I'm willing to do anything.
I've been saying people good-for-nothing. What about myself? Have I checked with myself before criticizing people? I miss the old Charlene so much. She used to be so nice, so peaceful, hardworking, loyal and loving. Where has everything went to? What have I become? Money and power is not the key to everything and they wouldn't be able to buy every single thing. I need to always remember this! I NEED TO!
Bombom.... You need to know how much I really love. How much I'm willing to sacrifice for you. How unwilling to let you go. But, I really think that I'm really not good enough for you. Perhaps, Samuel's right. I'm not that kind of girl you're looking for. How much do you exactly love me? I hope not too much, otherwise it will definitely be extremely hurtful. I'm sorry. I really am. Perhaps going with Wei Ting would make a better choice.mood:  depressed |
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| Patience is a Virtue. |
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05:28pm 23/09/2011 |
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As everyone has been using it, "PATIENCE IS A VIRTUE", but how many of us exactly practices it? Hmmmm... I guess not many of us.
We have been hearing this everywhere, anywhere. I'm a private tutor myself. I give tuitions to tutees who needs help in their daily work, tutees who are having problems catching up with their syllabus.
But when it comes to teaching, who cares about Patience is a virtue! My god! Sometimes, I simply can't stand students who are really dumb to the point whereby I simply feel like giving him/her up! But, no matter what, I know as a tutor, we can never give up our tutee no matter how bad they are. We're their hope! If we simply give up on them, they would just give themselves up! But this only apply to students who are willing to work hard, but simply with low intelligence level.
With students who have low intelligence level, addtionally lazy and refuse to do their work and concentrate in tuitions or in schools. These students, are simply fucked up! Seriously! There I am, trying my utmost effort in teaching you, guiding you through, but you're taking all these for granted!
There were times, whererby i got really furious, I shouted my tutee, banged the table real hard! Trust me, I really wanted to slapped my tutee for heaven's sake! And I almost did! But I did not, it would be really wrong of me if under any circumstances I landed my palm onto my tutee's face! I literally want to strangle him/her with my bare hands! OH MY GOD!
I've always been telling myself, please be patient, he/she don't mean it. Patience is a virtue. Patience is the key to everything! Be nice! All these starts running into my head! It kind of work the first few times, subsequently, FUCK IT! I don't give a damn! If he/she want things to go by the hard way, GIVE IT TO THEM, SUCKERS!
PLEASE! Have some self-responsibility!mood: angry |
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| Do I? |
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05:16pm 23/09/2011 |
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Do I really want to pursue my studies overseas? There's so many things that I can't bear to leave!My friends, my dearest duchess, clubbing sessions, drinking sessions, etc. I'm going to miss all of these during the time I'm away. I'll be drifted away from my gang of friends!
But, at the same time, can I not pursue my studies overseas? There's no where in Singapore allows me to continue pursuing! A part of me would also like to get out of the old and super boring Singapore where I have been staying in for 21 years of my life! I'm young and I want to get out there and explore the world! I want to meet different kinds of people in the different parts of the world.
Sighs. Study make my head ache, not studying brings me the same amount of torture! If only, I can pursue my studies overseas and at the same time bring my beloved Duchess over to accompany me, it would be the best of both worlds. But, deep down inside, I know it's somehow impossible! I'll be travelling to different countries within a short period of time! How can I bring Duchess here and there, with such an expensive fees! Furthermore, when I'm spending most of my time in school, who's going to be at home to look after Duchess? There're just so many issues about me having to study overseas, it wasn't as easy as I thought it would be in the first place! Moreover, all these issues has nothing got to do with fianacially needs!
Another question, do I really want to study MBA in Business Administraion? If you would to give me a choice, Psychology would always be my first choice, I simple have no talent for Business Administration and at the same time, I hate it! Yet, right now, I need to go for GMAT, conquer it, going ahead with my Masters and pursue my Masters in Psychology afterwards.
CONQUER THE GMAT! I CAN DO IT!
Do I have a say in what I really want? I guessed not! I'm not the one who's paying my school fees!
FML! mood:  grumpy |
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| As a friend, I wonder.... |
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06:48pm 13/09/2011 |
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As a friend, would you be putting your friends down or would you be encouraging them to do what they really want to do even if it's morally wrong? As a friend, would you be telling them off, nagging at them? For an example, this is against moral values, this is not right! You'll have a hell of time regretting it.
Or
As a friend, you would be telling them this, do it if that's what you really want to do. At least you have done it, you'll die without regretting it. Imagine you'll be dying this weekend, what would you have done then. For me, once I can't make a decision, i'll always be asking myself this question. What would I be doing, if this weekend is my deadline? I would do all the things that I want and die without any regrets. We only get to live once! It's now or never! There's something known as human error. There's simply no perfection in this world. All of us makes mistakes. We make mistakes, we regret it and we learn from it. Don't be afraid if being despised, never be afraid of making mistakes. Learn from it and make yourself a better man! Probably someone out there might think otherwise, but it's just a matter of having diversified thinkings. As long as you think it's alright and you won't regret doing it. Then go ahead! Anyway, some random thoughts on the bus, think about it, what would you be doing if someone sitting beside you on the bus starts falling asleep and starts to lie on your shoulder. How would you be reacting?:) Coincidentally, I was watching how I met your mother last night and decided to quote this from there.... "Okay yes, it's a mistake! I know it's a mistake. There are certain things in life where you know it's a mistake but you don't really know it's a mistake because the only way to really know it's a mistake is to make the mistake and look back and say yeap! That was a mistake. So really, the bigger mistake would be not to make the mistake because then you go your whole life not really knowing if something is a mistake or not. And damn it, I've made no mistakes. I've done all of this, my life, my relationship, my career, mistake free. Does any of these make sense to you? So think about it once again, is making mistake, correct or incorrect? Should we be making mistakes all our life?
Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone. Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone. mood:  thoughtful |
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| Your appearance was a disastrous one! |
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12:09am 12/09/2011 |
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Haishh.. Haishh...Haishh...
It was supposed to be a good night last night, but it kind of turn out to be a bad one, an EXTREMELY bad one for me apparently.
At first, i thought there was going to be only 6 people, tried to put all of us on the guestlist, but chuang yang did not make the phone call. Forget it, and then it came one more, and it was the unexpected one! The one that i never thought would appear again.
Followed by some idiotic issues. Running away issues, etc. It really did pissed me off really badly. Literally FML! Never mind, my girlfriend cried, etc and i lost my wallet, well~ ALMOST! Found it in the end, and thank god for that! My god!
Right now, i do not know what i should feel and do. Sighs, your presence last night was really a disastrous one! I really need a few wishes right now!
I'm praying! Praying hard to get what i really want and need right now! God! Please make my wish come true!
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| Seriously?!?! |
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04:24am 18/08/2011 |
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You know what! In the night, alone, after drinking, I really miss you! Though, we have broken up long time ago, but i still really miss you.
I'm still hoping a chance for us to patch back, but somehow or the other, I really think it's kind of impossible.
What i really want right now, is that I can find a partner who can really accept me for who I am and can get along with me really well. I'm sick of those days whereby i need to go through a hell lots of shit and then find a new one again!
I want to find a stable one. Someone who can support me financially instead of me supporting him! I'm tired of days whereby i need to support the other party financially! I'm earning the money, why do i always have to spend on the other party with my hard-earned money?!
Dear anonymous, i really hope that we will still have another chance together. I really want the both of us to give it a shot once again. I believe things will work out better this time round better than the past. But, both of us can only work out if we both agree on giving each other another chance. Otherwise, everything will be fruitfulness.mood:  listless |
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| (no subject) |
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02:16pm 17/08/2011 |
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Sighs.... What else can i say? You still refuses to chance despite giving you so many chances. As a fact, I don't even know how i really feel towards you. Do i still love you deeply or i just want someone by my side as a companion. I really can't get this right.
Xavier says that he thinks it's a mistake us breaking up. And you know what? I really don't want to make another mistake, and regret it. I have regretted all the choices I have used to make. I just want to make this right decision for once, for heaven's sake!
I tried to give you chances, trying to restart everything all over again, but you seems to remain as childish. Kiansoon's right, it's never about the other party's mistake. But think about it, I'm trying to change my princess temper, princess character.I'm spoilt, I admit. But I'm trying and taking the utmost effort to change. What about you, then? I asked you, please change and be more mature in your thinking. Look at what you have replied me! You told me, I'm like that what, I want to remain like that. I want to remain as childish. I don't want to be mature. In what way is that trying to chancge to a mature man instead of a boy?
You're a great guy, this, i need to admit! You've a great temper and everything. But, it's the way you think, it really pisses me off! There's no way, we can really communicate and solve problems as long as we have diversified thinking.mood: disappointed |
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