| December 2009 |
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| 27 | 28 | 29 | 30 | 31 |
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| Accidents |
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03:11pm 03/12/2009 |
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Sighs..Accidents happen!
One accident just happened today! Early in the morning, Janette brought duchess down in the morning, and what happen was, when they stopped at level 7, janette's friend went back and when the door was closing, duchess suddenly ran out. The leash was stuck in between the door, and the lift stuck. Duchess was hanging in the mid-air and janette's friend got her out.
Goodness. Janette was literally crying when she came out. Sighs. I was then thinking what happens if Janette's arm is stuck? What am i suppose to do? How am i suppose to deal with duchess?
What happens if duchess is trap in between? What happens if she's dead? Would i hate Janette? What would i do? I really wonder.
It was all a close shave..mood:  grateful |
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| Memories |
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11:50pm 24/11/2009 |
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This week is my last week of school. I'm so elated about it! Goodness! Whatever!
Suddenly, i have this strong urge of walking home today. I alighted at the bridge and i walked home. While walking home, i was listening to my MP3 songs.
An jing, Feng, Wo bu pei. All these jay chou's songs. They were pratically playing one after another. I walked extremely slowly, i wouldn't say walk, rather strolling.
Memories just flow into my mind. I missed those days where we used to go to Xavier's house after school, and cooked lunch together, watch movie together, play game together. During secondary school, we always end school at the same time. Meet-ups were never hard, but look at now.
Just asking out to meet for lunch, dinner is just so difficult. Everyone are busy with their own individual life. Working, Studying, Clubbing.
Look at us now, how much we have grown. We have grown from a child who only knows how to go to school and get pocket allowance from our parents, wearing school uniform and go out after school for lunch or shopping. Go each other's house, to kill the boredom. At times, we even have restriction going out.
And now? We can go out as and when we want to! We work to earn our own money. We spent with our own money. Instead of going one another's house, we go to our opposite sex's house or even clubbing. Look at how much our lifestyle have changed!
From our innocent lifestyle to a complicated yet fun one.
What would you choose?
The past? which is the secondary school lifestyle?
The current? which is the one that we are living in now?
I really miss those memories. How i wish...We can always have another chance to amend things.sighs.. mood:  nostalgic |
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| Confesssion |
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10:08pm 24/11/2009 |
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23.11.2009, Monday It just happened yesterday. I at my elder brother's house and after that i went to beauty world for pool game with kelson and his friends. It was nothing though, but i found something bad about myself! My pool skills deproved a lot! Oh my gosh!! Oh well~ Who cares right? Hah! After that we went to halo bar, it was Kelson who introduced it to me. It's a nice place though. The drinks are cheap and the K is cheap as well. I met up with Xavier and Terrance first, and we went to sing K together first. During the K session, i asked Jasmin, if kelson like me. She was like, "now then you know?" I was totally shocked. Seriously.!! I was like ya! Now then i know.!! oh my gosh. Shocked, shocked and shocked. I totally didn't expect that coming though. Later in the night, i guessed Jasmin told Kelson about what i asked, and he confessed to me. He said, "I like you". I was like are you serious? is this some kind of joke? He said no, it's real.Oh my god. I just continued singing because i really didn't know how to respond. if you were me, what would you say? How would you even respond? We all went home, i asked Xavier to send me home because i didn't want him to send me home. Later in the night, i called him and clarify. He said, he like me and he really do. He asked if i was feeling anything. I told him that nope! I don't feel anything except for the shockeness that he just gave me. So, he asked me to give him some time. He will prove himself to me. oh my god.! What should i do? I just told him, i feel damn neutral towards him. No special feelings for him though. mood:  confused |
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| Dedicated to Terrie |
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08:38pm 23/11/2009 |
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Hey girl,
I know how you and deuel are feeling right now. I totally understand. Why? Because this was what happened between xianhong and me.
Girl, you gotta understand and know this. You're in New York, he's in Singapore. I don't mean that he doesn't have the ability to go new York and you have. The both of you have the ability to go New York, but it was due to certain matters that he can't go to New York. Trust me, babe.! He too, very much wants to go to New York with you too.
You, in New York has lots to explore, because you don't actually get to stay in New York every single day and whenever you want to, you know. But for Deuel? Look at where he's staying? He's staying in Singapore. He's staying in a country that he have been staying in for like the past 23 years, perhaps. All the time that you have there, are occupied with all the clubbing, house partying and exploration, while he's in Singapore missing you every moment, now and then.
Without you by his side, he suddenly feel this emptiness in him. Suddenly, his world became so lonely, so emo, so blank. He's saying goodbye to all the roller coaster emotions, he's bidding goodbye to those colorful world of his. Suddenly, everything around him left him. He's all alone. Guessed the reason why? Because he's totally too dependent on you, you told me that, and you know the reason. So shouldn't you be more understanding towards him?
You complained that he came up with so many reasons,or rather excuses on why he doesn't video call you, he didn't chat with you and stuff. You know that he's overly dependent on you which eventually leads him to having lesser friends. And now, because you're gone, he's trying his very best to make friends so that he won't be that lonely and bored without you at his side. What happens if those reasons that he gave for not video-calling you were true? Wouldn't you being overboard towards him?
He loves you deeply too. Otherwise, he wouldn't be doing so much stuff.!! Why would he even bother. Right? Trust me, try putting yourself in his shoes. Think what he thinks. Try it, perhaps things would get better.
Alright now my little precious. I gotta run, perhaps i will talk to you when you're back in Singapore.I will be awaiting for your arrival.! I miss you alot.! Like seriously alot! I miss clubbing times with you.! Yeah! yeah! I know, we are going clubbing on that week that you're back right! Hah! i have already planned that girl!
-you just simply rocked my life.
*misses*
Charlene.mood: cheerful music: 简单爱 |
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| (no subject) |
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08:02pm 23/11/2009 |
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wahh! I seriously think that my journal's collecting lots and lots of dust lo. i need a break, and i want a break. i really want time for myself! when can i even have time for myself...shhhaggg.. work's never ending, stress is always coming in, problems are turning up time from time. sighs..but oh well~ thinking of when my birthday's reaching and when all the events are coming, i feel so happy!! wahaha! christmas is in around a month's time. birthday is in around 3 month's time. guys! please do take note! wish list: i am not as greedy as xavier. mine's better than his! lesser! haha! 1) A totally new sport shoe! 2) Camera 3) Wallet that can put 14 cards in it! 4) iPHONE (16GB can le!! =D) frens..take note kk?? *blink blink* mood:  cranky |
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| vexed |
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06:34pm 08/11/2009 |
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school work's piling up... relationship isn't that fantastic either... singles afterall have their problems too.! how i wish, i get to work..i want to go. i want to go to newyork! target: newyork! newyork, shall be my target for now. i want to go there and study and live. terrie's gone, she doesn't want to come back, leaving poor deuel in singapore. if i'm attached, will i be like that?siighhss.. you passed your TP, i'm happy for you. your wish has finally come true. you found a new target. well~ what can i say? you've made up your mind and start a new life. good for you. CONGRATUALTIONS! but whatever it is, upon hearing that you passed your TP i am really extremely happy for you though. GREAT JOB! p/s: holidays, please come faster...i need you badly.. mood:  tired |
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| emptiness |
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12:17am 08/10/2009 |
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all of a sudden, i feel this emptiness in me...
i used to be very decisive..and now? i'm so indecisive..why am i like that? i no longer know what to do and what not to do.
i feel so confused with my own feelings. we use heart for directions with regards to feelings and brains for wits. but....i know what's my heart's thinking..but, i just think that things wouldn't work out. i'm forcing myself not to go ahead with what i feel and what i really want. is that correct or wrong? can someone enlighten me?
correct? because i know that we wouldn't last therefore, i'm doing nothing.
wrong? because i realise i start to develop feelings, but i'm doing nothing. forcing myself not to do anything...
siggggghhhss...mood: contemplative |
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| (no subject) |
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12:10am 07/10/2009 |
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I really don't know what to do...siighh...
Things..People...Getting in and out of my life..I'm getting sick of it. I just want things to stay as it is forever.! Isn't it great if things remain as it is?
Holidays, Money, Cars...Are they my concern? Should i be even concern about those stuff? ARggghhh.. I'M VEXED!!!
So what if i can go for holidays?
So what if i have money?
So what if i have the car?
They doesn't belong to me, i didn't earn them, it was given to me, people...
People, you don't have to envy. Really.!
When you have all these and when you don't have what you really want? You wouldn't be happy. trust me. when the time comes, you'll eventually know it.
I ain't taking all these for granted, but...if i can, i will exchange some of these for certain things in my life.
There're many problems and questions running through my head.
Have i been developing feelings for you? Do i still love you? Do i know the answer to it? Do i?
If i do have feelings for you, how am i suppose to let you know? How do i go about telling you?
Arghh...I don't know...
Perhaps, i do have some feelings for you..But....
are they gonna last?
perhaps...
or...
maybe not...
why is it such a confusing thing? why am i so bothered about it?
like means like
i don't like means i don't like.
what's so confusing right? i thought it was too, but...i am in between nowhere. i really don't know how to answer myself this question. i don't know the answer to it. and for as long as i don't even know the answer to my own question i would not be able to do anything.!!!
Let's see how for the time being bahh..
p/s: hopefully, ticks on duchess will immediately disappear...
mood: confused |
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| Something's lacking. |
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02:45am 29/08/2009 |
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Something's lacking in this relationship and i guessed i know what it is finally.
Firstly, i really can't accept this relationship when your mum strongly disagree to you having a girlfriend and when she is insisting that she will get to choose your future girlfriend, something similar to match-making?
I don't want to get into such disputes and this doesn't put me at ease in this relationship.!
I have to keep thinking that when i see you, i see your mum, thinking that your mum wouldn't be happy to hear that i am with you. There's a barrier in between. And i gotta worry about one day, you gotta choose between me and your mum, and i think, and i really think that your mum would be the choice that you would choose despite the number of times that you tell me that you would insist in getting your way.
Secondly, it's the sense of security that disallow me to overcome that barrier and let myself totally go and get totally engross into this relationship. You? You're that kinda guy that have more girlfriends than guyfriends, but this is just only a minor part of the problem, which contributes tiny weeny part of it. But, after so many times, after so many things. I think friends, studies, work are more important than you. I know, it's silly, illogical and stupid to not put all these as piority, perhaps i'm just too naive. I believe and i truly believe that there's something and someone that has true love. Someone like me. Once i fall into a relationship, i can give up anything and everthing in my life, just for love. Really! Anything and everything just for the sake of getting true love. I know it's really foolish to think this way, but i sincerely hope that there will be someone who will be like me. Love comes first, than any other things else. Just truly love someone.
You have your work, friends and studies, and i always realise i come last. It's not that i don't want, but i really can't take myself as the last piority in someone else's life. REALLY! I need to be the first piority, i need to know that you love me more than anything else. Because, if you ever show me that i come last in your life, i would think in a way such that, anytime, anywhere we might just break off because of these factors.
I really don't want to fall again. Really. I'm really scared. I can't let myself fall. All i want is just true love. Someone to really love me more than anything else in the world.
p/s: if you really know me inside out, all the horoscopes readings are really true. I'm really sensitive to small details. i'm fragile.. don't overlook those small details because they are also as important as those really obvious details.
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| (no subject) |
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10:37am 17/08/2009 |
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I don't know what to say.
But, all i know is that i really don't want to go through the same old things again.
Your mum doesn't like me, and she doesn't like you to have girlfriend, and when i know what your mum has commented really affected me quite a lot and not quite a bit.
I do admit that my mum doesn't like my previous boyfriend, but she doesn't tell me, she only tell me after we break-up because she knows that i'll be extremely angry and she won't want certain things to happen. That's because i make my stand clear enough? I supposed.
I know that you are a person who dote on your mother quite a lot. Because of her, i believed you can give up many things in your life and that includes me. It's really hard for me to believe that you won't give up for me because of her because i can see how much and how deep you dote on her.
Experiences for me is enough, i don't want anymore add-ons.really. I really don't want to know the outcome either. I know what's the outcome goona be in the future, why would i even want to go a step further with you? I'm scared, i'm afraid. I would rather i back out now and give up on you earlier rather than a later timing.
This feeling, this scary feeling, i felt it before. And i insisted on continuing but the outcome's always the same. I really doesn't know how to continue, because i really feel like giving it up, the moment i know everything. Perhaps, it's really a small factor to you, but you can't blame me either, i'm feeling that very sensitive and insecurity right now. Well~ Before the incident things weren't that bad, perhaps only lack of insecurity, but right now, i feel extremely sensitive and extremely insecure, and...i really doesn't know what i should do and what to do.
But one thing i know for sure is, if this fails, you don't have to turn to someone that you really don't want to turn into. You still can be someone who you really wanna be. You still can be yourself. You don't have to change. Really.
I know, that right now, you're going through lots and lots of things, and i ought to be there for you. Cheering you on, making each days as fruitful for you. But, i really don't know how, you gotta give me that trust that i need. It's not that we haven't talk about this before. It's that barrier.
I really don't want you to get stuck right in between family members and me or friends and me. I know that feeling, it's quite tormenting actually. I would rather you lead your normal life without me, just family members and friends to make up your life. It's really much more relaxing for you. Why bother to go into a relationship that would eventually give you troubles? What's the point right? Everyone's looking for a relationship that would be problem-free, not not vice-versa.
You wanna know my stand, i suppose, my stand is i'm on the verge of giving you up.
I know what's your stand. But i just wanna tell you to go think about it carefully. Do you really want to forsake everything and continue, is it really worth it.
It's not like friends, it's your mum, the one and only mum that you really dote on. It's different.
p/s: heed my advice, don't turn into someone who you really don't wish to turn into. just be yourself, i know that somehow somewhere out there, someone might be like me and be stronger than me and perhaps might understand you even more and deeper. just don't keep thinking that you're really hard to understand.
mood:  crushed |
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| so much running through my head... |
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01:54am 14/08/2009 |
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Dear Person B,
I'm so worried about you. You don't even let us know about it? I got to hear it from someone else.
You called me last week happily, telling me all the great stuff you goona do, and i was really happy to hear it from you. Though, you called at the wrong timing, you called when i was about to have my exams, but i was really elated to hear from you.
Something that you're having now, isn't very nice to play with and it's something that's really worrying me a lot, i don't know how to tell you how much i'm worried for you, but yes, i'm extremely worried for you. I feel worrying, i feel scared, i feel as though any time in the future, i am about to lose you. People come and go, and i understand, but please! Don't let it come so soon? I'm totally not prepared for it. Not in the coming 10 years? Let's wait for another 50 more years? I just don't want things to end so soon?
I would really want to ask, how are you feeling right now. Is everything alright. But how can i ask,when things are like that and you're keeping it away from me?How? I would really want to ask! I want to care about you. It's my first time experiencing such stuff. Everyone has their first time, and i really don't fancy such first experience?
Oh well~ I really don't know how to help you, i can't help but to worry. I just feel like crying, but home isn't the place for me to cry out. I just simply do anything i want at home. Well~I'm looking information on the internet to help you as much as i can. Looking for more information to just tell myself that everything's goona be fine.
CHARLENE TAN XUAN HUI!! BE STRONG! Things will just go on fine. I hope!! Things will just straighten out and turn out fine when the time comes. Tomorrow will be a better day!
p/s: all charlene wants to do now is to cry aloud, all charlene needs is a shoulder to lean on and to cry. all she wants is just pats on her back and crying out loud. all she needs is just a piece of mind. siighhh..
Why does people have so much thing to think about? why? why do they have so much things to vex about? gosh! why can't life just be much more simpler? why can't i be duchess? duchess's so carefree.why can't i just swap places with her? sighhhh...
i ain't greedy. i just want a simple life. nothing fancyful.
i just want to lead carefree and simple life. i want to feel loved and nothing else. is that greedy?
mood:  worried music: 我不配 |
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| Terrie's goonne... |
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12:49am 13/08/2009 |
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Phew! Today's really a super extremely rushing day for me! I woke up and i went home, right after that, i immediately went for tuition!
Rush~ Rush~Rush~Rush~Rush~Rush~
After the tuition, i went back home to bathe and i was out again, meeting xavier to go to queensway! We binded our books and we went to meet lorraine and jasmin to buy our tennis rackets!
We went to walk around and i saw and decided to buy that tennis racket, but apparently, there's no size available for my grip! awww..i gootta wait for it!
yea, what other choices do i left with other than waiting for it right? Got their name cards, and just waited for my rackets to come! Yeah~! Goona go for sports shopping soonnnn.... I'm so goona buy everything!! Wakakakakas..
After that, we met up with the rest of the girls and we ate dinner together near Keely's house. We headed to the airport after dinner.
Here comes the sad part....
Terrie's leaving singapore for new york, she's going to UB. I feel so tempted to go. But i just can't leave things behind...sighhh...i know that i'm so goona miss everything here once i'm there.
Terrie's friends were all there. Her family members as well. We sent her off, we were all fine intially and it all started when we were all standing outside the departure hall.
We all bid goodbyes and hugged her. yeah.~ she cried and she cried kinda badly, the moment i saw her crying, i had this super duper sad feeling...i felt like crying, but i know that i shouldn't be crying, i held my tears back. it was really hard, but i managed to do it somehow.
she's leaving for good. and i ought to be happy for her. but somehow or the other, i felt as though i'm really goona miss her super much! i'm so goona miss her lame jokes and stuff.i'm so goona miss out a clubbing partner.
typing this post really made me teared. terrie...i missed you..the next time i see you, it would be a year later, miss me alrights? i'll absolutely get in touch with you for sure.i'm so goona miss your accompany.!!!mood: sad |
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| NO MORE PISSED OFF!!! |
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11:44pm 10/08/2009 |
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Charlene Tan is no longer pissed because she found her ipod already!!!
YIPEES!!Charlene Tan is like extremely and super duper happy!!!
Oh yeah~
Here comes my ipod! Here comes my ipod! Here comes my ipod! Here comes my ipod! Here comes my ipod!!Not to worry! Bird is no longer angry and sad!!! =)
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| you just blow me up!!... |
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03:00am 10/08/2009 |
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Seriously! if you have your friends to entertain, then go ahead and entertain them, don't even bother to come and call me and put me on the phone for nothing.
you jolly well know that i'm fucking pissed off should you be even like that?
If you want to talk to your friends, then hang up the phone with me alright?
yeap! it's you! yes it's you! you just made me angry all over again!
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| Fucking depressed... |
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01:58am 10/08/2009 |
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YES! RIGHT NOW!! Charlene's fucking depressed alright? FUCKING DEPRESSED! FUCKING ANGRY! FUCKING PISSED!!
Right! Now, just let charlene vent it all! Vent it all out, vent it all she wants to!
FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!
It's my ipod! Out of all times, you gotta go missing right now. I can't even sleep despite being tired.
I'M REALLY DOWN, REALLY ANGRY!
My mood now is really on the edge. Just don't do anything to piss me off or turn me off alright? Because, any moves you do will just blow me up, really. Just wait till i found my ipod, or i get my fucking new ipod please.
I know! I know! I have no one to blame but me, but seriously, please, i don't need any lecture, any scolding, just save it alright?
Alright....Charlene's cooling it off right now...All she have to do is vent it somemore in the journal and things would all turn out fine... Shucks, where could my ipod be? Goodness..
All i need to do now is to be patient and wait..Just wait for someone to find me my ipod..Please..Just let my ipod appear please? Pretty please...my god!!! out of all things, why my ipod? what have i done to lost my ipod?
i freaking can't survive without my ipod larh! wah.. i feel so depressed right now. yes, i'm indeed... sighhhhh....
p/s: no mind games for me now, please. it's absoutely no-no. lectures and scoldings are also a no-no. thanks! just please get my ipod for me please...please come back to me! ahhh..mood:  depressed |
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| (no subject) |
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04:48pm 09/08/2009 |
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CHARLENE WANTS TO GO SPORTS SHOPPING!
There are lots and lots of things that i want to buy! goodness! ahh...I want to play tennis!!!
TENNIS!
TENNIS!
TENNIS!
TENNIS!
TENNIS!
Charlene wants to play tennis and swims on a daily basis!! Partners??
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| Exams are over!!! |
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04:33pm 09/08/2009 |
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Charlene's exams're over finally! For god's sake! AHHHHH!!!
CHARLENE is extremely happy because her examinations are over! And..she's now having holidays! YAHHHOOOSSS!!!!
People out there, who are studying.! Jiayou larh!! Wakakakaka...
Singing K last night was really fun with Xavier, Shiyun, Anson and Christine. It was my very first time singing k with christine. I don't know why, but as long as i'm with shiyun at anywhere, jokes starts to happen. As long as the both of us are together, our craziness within us starts to kick up...
We wanted to go K-box along with k-dinner, but it's freaking 40bucks, as compared to top one, 28 bucks. There's a huge difference you know?? We decided to eat somewhere else and we're going to top one! hooray!
Yeah...Guessed what? All of us went crazy in the room..
We went home, and yeap! I drove...and we were all stuck in the carpark.! Goodness.! So many cars were like waiting for my car, i was like...ahhhh...omg!!!!!!! then got car honk me! i was like what the fuck!!?!??!
that car was dumb enough, xavier signalled him to go ahead and he didn't even move, how dumb or how blind can he be? gosh!!! i waited for all the cars to go, and finally here comes my turn, we went ahead and talked to the intercom.ahhh...bad experience.
went to eat roti-prata after that, and we went over to my house to play mahjong. and once again, i lost.! sigh...but not as much as anson! haha! when will i ever start winning money at my house! argh....
p/s: those who win money from mahjong, there will be a charge of 7%, those who lose do not have to pay! haha..mood: tired |
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| What charlene wants! |
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10:22pm 29/07/2009 |
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Charlene wants:
1) A tennis racket! 2) Tennis BAALLLSSSS 3) New sports wear 4) A sports bag! ( PINK is my colour!) 5) A totally new sports shoe! 6) A new ipod please! My 8GB is really too small,but will do with it for now! Considering of getting an iphone anyway! 7) A new lappy! My brother says he's getting macbook for me, but i don't want! It's totally unfriendly! =( 8) My very own mini-cooper! YAHHHOOOS! Preferably, the top would be able to open. My Brother says he's getting it for me, but....who knows when it's coming...siighhh... 9) The list will continue someday later....... p/s: people out there! *hint hint!!!* presents...yay!!!mood: happy music: If I ain't got you |
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| Tennis lesson ^.^ |
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10:05pm 29/07/2009 |
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I felt damn tired today...Reasons being??
1) I'm tired because i woke up super duper early.
2) Because i got to get so many things fixed.! Gosh! Yeah! I admit, whatever lands in my hand, ALWAYS SPOILS!
3) Tennis! Gosh! The first tennis lesson i had last week? When i first saw my coach!?!?! OH MY! OH MY FREAKING GOD! He totally gave me the feeling of Mr.Sng larh.! Goodness. It reminds me of the time when Mr.Sng taught me volleyball! Oh my!!!
Keith (my coach), sounded so much like mr.sng and looks so much like mr.sng.! The way the both of them joke with me, call me and teaches me. So fatherly love.
No doubt, i gotta admit! Both of them are HANDSOME DUDE! But, outta my range man.! The first tennis lesson i had?!?! My right hand almost break! Goodness! The tennis racket weighs a ton larh! I feel as if i'm holding on to a weight-lifting weight! But, one thing i gotta agree so much with Xavier. Tennis to us, it's really getting addictive! I'm serious, no kidding! It's really getting addictive. Whenever, i play Tennis, i feel so much relaxed, so fun. It's the time whereby i can totally be myself! Be the carefree bird! When's the last time i had this feeling? HmmM~ Let me think.....Perhaps, secondary school? When i was playing volleyball?!?!
Tennis's really addictive, but expensive too! But, i really don't mind, if it really keeps me happy though. Something really bad yet funny happened! I accidentally hit the ball towards my coach's dick! Gosh! The moment i saw that, i was like totally shocked larhx.!!! Goodness. What on earth have i done??? I swear, it was unintentionally! I swear to god.! I kept apologising. I didn't mean to laugh at him, but it was really funny! I had much more fun this lesson as compared to the last lesson!
I was on form today, and my judgements were great! Hah! I hit 3 cones down, while xavier hit none! Oh yEAh!!! It was great!!! =D Looking forward to another tennis lesson though! =)
p/s: Charlene just loves sports! I am who i am when i'm playing sports!!! YAY!!! I want to play!!!mood:  lethargic music: I'll never break your heart (Backstreet Boys) |
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10:49pm 03/06/2009 |
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did you really read my journal? have you really read it word for word?
do you even know what i've been talking about?
do you even know how am i feeling, what i've been feeling?
why? please tell me why?
you've done such unforgivable sin, yet i'm still willing to forgo everything as long as you'll be right beside me. YES! you're that important to me, if you don't realise, i'm telling you. you're extremely important to me. i love you that much, that deep. i'm crazy. i'm totally crazy about you.!!
after so long, not really that long, but i just feel that it has been long. i think of you every single night without fail. why? how can i stop myself from thinking of you every night, i've been asking myself, trying to think of solutions.... no way...there's no way, i can stop myself from thinking of you. what have i been wanting?
i've been wanting to talk to you on the phone every night, just like the past, coaxing me to sleep with your voice, with your jokes, with your laughters.
i've been wanting to video call you, see you online, see the way you used to act cute to coax me, to make me happy. remember? i still have those photos.
these photos were the happiest of my life. every now and then, i used to think of the days, i go to your house right after school to look for you, or go out with you, or even study together. those were the days that i felt as though i'm the most fortunate person in the entire universe.
have you been missing my presence every now and then, just like how much i miss you?
have you been thinking of me? asking yourself, what am i doing?
all these questions...am i pinning hopes too high? i shouldn't be asking these questions right? since, i know that, all you have now is her, you can't be bothered about my stuff anymore. i think right now, she's the most important person to you? ( but i'm hoping i'm the most important person in your life, and if this is true, trust me, i'll even die without regrets. i'll be over the moon!!!, but somehow or the other, i just feel so impossible.....)
to you, i'm either a friend (just a normal or even a rank lower than normal), or just an ex-girlfriend( its just a used one). either way, i won't be able to get love, care and concern from you anymore i guessed.
i longed for your kiss, hug and love..how i wish, i'll be able to feel that love, passionate kiss and hug once more again.
p/s: all i want is to lie in your arms forever. i love you, always.mood: lonely |
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